Beautiful Fall!

At last my favorite season has arrived! Fall brings gorgeous views to our city, plenty of leaf lookers, perfect crisp mornings, and.... the celebration of our anniversary (9/28/08)! Every year we go apple picking at Sky Top Orchard, a tradition which involves gorging on all things apple: apple cider slushies, apple fritters, and apples with hot caramel. We typically bring home an unnecessary quantity of apples which I then try to incorporate into recipes before they spoil. Crazy, I know.



This fall I have also picked up a new hobby- knitting! I start my first class tonight, and I'm super excited! It is really amazing to be able to turn a ball of yarn into something you can wear. Although time consuming, it is definitely rewarding. I am fortunate to be able to have a lot of free time to do it!

Phew! It's been months, I know...

It turns out that I have a commitment problem...with the Blog. I do not, however, have a problem with stream of consciousness twittering, so follow me there as well!

I've been to therapy regarding this issue, and will try hard to do better.

Ok, I haven't really been to a therapist about this (lying is a sign of denial, I believe).

I will try harder.


Most recent happenings in the Evans household:

1. Our house (MLS 439071) is on the market in preparation to move on to another city (yet to be determined)

2. Mike has been offered a job in Seattle, but we are still pursuing some interviews in Reno and Boston

3. I am continuing to work from home with my business which is going very well.

4. We are heading out to Portland, OR for a family vacation at the beginning of September.

5. Mike and I have been married almost 1 year!

A little bit of gratitude

Gratitude is the foundation for success in all areas of your life. I have come to learn this not only through my own experience, but through countless other people's experiences as well. I believe that acknowledging the things in your life that you are grateful for may just be the single most important thing you can do everyday to ensure progression towards your goals. 

The problem is, most people don't stop to take the time and think in a state of gratitude. We get so caught up in the daily grind and what is wrong in our lives that it can become impossible to find anything to be grateful about. I say "can" because it is NOT impossible, there is always something to be grateful for, even if it is just the simple fact of being alive. As long as we are alive we have the power to make great things happen. What could be more exciting? Is that not something to be grateful for? 

I decided to write about gratitude this morning because in my own life I notice a direct correlation between my results and whether or not I am being grateful. It is easy to get sidetracked, to let the little things get in your way, to get bogged down. But at these times it is especially important to take a moment and hit "reset." I have heard many people in my business community refer to the giant reset button on the wall, but only in the past week or so have I started utilizing it in my life. For those of you wondering, "what reset button?", well it's actually imaginary. It is a way to consciously change your attitude, by visualizing hitting a reset button and beginning the day again with a new outlook. The power of this is truly amazing because it reinforces the fact that we are in control of our thoughts and feelings and have the power to change them at any moment. When you hit reset, and you take a moment to think about the things you are grateful for, if that doesn't change your attitude then I don't know what will.  

So here is my personal list of things I am grateful for at this very moment:

1) Total freedom with my time, how amazing that I can do anything I want whenever I want.

2) My wonderful husband, who not only supports me in my business ventures but in everything else I do

3) The pretty darn amazing life we have created for ourselves at the ripe age of 26. I am grateful for our house, the nice cars we drive, and the 4 furbabies we are privileged to share a home with

4) Being healthy and active

5) My parents, who share similar goals and never make me feel guilty about "wasting" my $160K education in engineering

I could go on and on, but what I'd like is to challenge YOU to make a list of at least 5 things you are grateful for right now. I promise it will change your day!

"Integrity Is Everything" Part 2

Let's continue with the discussion on John Lavenia's book "Integrity Is Everything."

So far, we've decided to become our own guru, BE a leader, and make decisions based on fact-not old conditioning. If you're wondering why I capitalized the word "BE," it's because it is the first of three magic words that John discusses in his book: BE, DO, HAVE.

What makes these three little words so powerful, is the order. Most people think they have to HAVE, DO, BE...meaning they must have the perfect circumstances before they can take action and then become the person they want to be. 

Beingness is so critical to getting the results you want, that two people taking the same actions may have different levels of success depending on the state of being they are in. You must take action from a state of being that is congruent with your goal. If your goal is to own a sailboat and sail around the world, but you're walking around angry with life because you haven't gotten there yet, you probably will not achieve your goal. The being sets the stage for the correct action. How do you get in the right state of being? By choosing your thoughts carefully. Thoughts are energy and by focusing on productive thoughts, you are literally attracting what you want into your life.

Once you are being the person who has already gotten everything that they want, you will now be compelled to take action. But, it won't be the action of your former self. It will be the action of your new self, the one who is being a leader and confident in their success. You want to totally embrace this new self and all the details. John writes, "How do you shake someone's hand? How do you look in the mirror? How do you sound on the phone when you're talking to a prospective client? What decisions does this person make when it comes to capitalizing their business, prioritizing their time, or going to events that could further them in their business or career?" When making decisions, you can channel someone who has the success you're looking for, whether it's Donald Trump or Oprah. You will DO the things necessary to remain in integrity with the person you are being and the goals that you have set.

And now, the payoff. Believe it or not, all the work was in the BEING. The HAVING comes easily. Changing your mindset and choosing your thoughts takes focus and determination, but it is essential to success. Without the being, you cannot take the right action to receive what you want. The having follows, and it takes no work at all. "The work is in the being. The receiving is in the doing. The having is not your department. The having is not your area of concern. The universe provides all, handles all the details perfectly, always to deliver unto you exactly what your innermost expectations are."

So....in summary, YOU should read this book. John gets into a lot more detail about his personal story and action you can take to get results in your life today. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is looking to make a change in their lives. 

Unexpected Visitors

A little history here: I have the greatest set of friends from college. Really. They are a group of people who would no doubt drop everything to help each other if the need arose. Some of us are closer than others, it really just depends on how you got into the group. Some were roommates, some friends from high school, and some were total strangers in the beginning. I would say that Anthony and I were at opposite ends of the group, meaning that we have mutual friends. He was one of the roommates of a friend of mine, and that is how we met. Over the years, we hung out in the same crowd and were therefore friends by association. We were committed to the same circle of friends, which made us friends, even if we didn't know that much about each other. That was ok. I know it might sound a little strange, and maybe a little cultish, but that is how our circle worked. Since college, we had been seeing each other at weddings and reunions, but to be honest I was pleasantly surprised when I found out I was invited to his wedding. So to make a long story short-er, it suffices to say that Anthony and I don't know each other very well at all. In fact, I don't think we had ever spent time hanging out without the rest of the crowd in the 8 years that we've known each other. 

So when I got a call from him Thursday saying he wanted to visit, I was surprised! He had been given some time off of work unexpectedly and decided to come to visit Asheville (finally!). You see, he and his lovely wife Stacey have been living about 5 hours from us in Fayetteville, but for whatever reason we could never get together. The funny part is, I was just having a nice conversation with Stacey via Facebook the night before. I was thinking about how nice it would be to see them before they move to Germany (Anthony's new post with the Army). For some reason I was completely overwhelmed with this feeling that I had to see them before they left! Due to last minute Army "stuff," they were not able to attend our wedding last September, so it had been over a year since we saw them last. The universe works in mysterious ways! Just goes to show you: Ask and you shall receive! I truly believe this was no coincidence but absolutely a product of the connection Stacey and I had during our conversation. WOW it is truly mind-blowing how you can create these things in your life!

Of course I was so happy to host them here in Asheville, and we had an awesome time filled with all this city has to offer- hiking, alcohol, and food! We toured The Biltmore Estate, ate downtown, boozed a little, hiked the 10 mile Kitsuma trail, played some Cranium, and ate some more. I feel that we are no longer on opposite ends of the group. It was awesome to have the opportunity to really get to know them on another level. I hardly even knew Stacey since she did not go to college with us, but I definitely consider her a part of our group and certainly a close friend. Anthony and Stacey are seriously amazing people, and I am so grateful that I had the chance to cement our friendship before they leave for overseas!

We are definitely coming to see you guys in Germany! 

"Integrity Is Everything" Part 1

Not only a great title for a book, but a great title for your life. I just finished this book by John Lavenia (www.johnlavenia.com). John is a fellow leader in my business, and has had fantastic success in all areas of his life. I have personally met John and his wife Shannon, and they truly are role models-people who live with integrity everyday. His book gets down to the nitty gritty of how to be successful in life, love, business, and everything in between. I'll discuss this book in a 2 part series. It would really take infinite parts to do it justice, but you really should just read the book yourself.

What I like about this book especially is the sugar free approach. This really jives with my beliefs, and it will for anyone else who likes to hear it straight. You have to really be shocked into change sometimes, since most people are comfortable living the status quo. First things first, John stresses the importance of being your own guru. When looking to make a change in their lives, most people look for answers outside of themselves. Of course, it is useful to mastermind with people getting the results you want, but ultimately the solutions to your problems lie within YOU. No amount of reading or studying will get you what you want until you accept this, and embrace it! 

So, what are you trying to achieve? If you want things to change, you better get clear on your goals. Are you on a mission? To get what you want, you have to start questioning your beliefs-and this takes guts. After all, your beliefs probably were instilled in you as a child by those around you. You have to take the fork in the road, be willing to "depart from ways of the masses," as John writes. You need to be a leader. The term "leader" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, but I feel it is misunderstood. The implication is that a leader is someone who was born that way, or has some sort of qualities that most people cannot have. That is rubbish, quite frankly. Everyone can be a leader, and I would argue that everyone must be a leader in order to get what they want out of life. Non leaders are the people who blame circumstances, play the victim, and hold onto their comfort zone for dear life. I agree with John's definition of a leader, which is someone who has vision. This person is on a mission. They have a purpose, and they are committed to that purpose. When you are undeniably committed to your purpose, people will follow you. Why? Because you are in a sea of people with no direction, and you are holding a road map. A vision.

Once you have your vision, you are on your way to success! However, the work doesn't stop there. It is time to acknowledge the fact that you got results you didn't want up until this point because of your decisions. Accept responsibility, then move on. You can no longer make decisions based on the past. That is not what a leader does. The truth is, the majority of people will choose the results they have been getting over the possibility of something new, even if  they didn't like the results the first time around! There isn't any actual thinking involved in the decision making process, only conditioned response. To protect the predictability of their lives, people would rather get the same consistently terrible results, than to make a change. John compares this to a dog reacting to stimulus. Do you want to be a dog or a leader?

John puts it quite clearly, "You can either be "right" in your previously existing ways and continue getting the results you're getting, or you could be willing to confront reality and stop assuming that you know so much, because you don't." He prefaces that statement with "If this bursts your bubble, so be it." Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. 

So stop making decisions based on your mother's friend's cousin's little tidbit of life advice! If it is not serving you NOW, it will not serve you in the future. Got it? You know, they call John the Godzilla of personal development, and I may just apply for the title of Godesszilla. Sorry, Shannon!

Oh, ok!

So this morning on my 11am wakeup call, I heard the most profound phrase in the universe.

"Oh, ok"

This was in reference to the two types of people in this world: the "DO-ers" and the "Getting ready to DO-ers." I used to be the latter. When I started my business some embarrassing amount of time ago, first things first-I headed to Walmart! Why? Well to outfit my new home office of course! New desk, new fancy phones, corkboards, thumbtacks, notebooks, the works. I was in a place in my life where I thought I had to get ready to take action. You know, prepare endlessly for the things I was about to do. Well as it turns out, that got me a whole lot of nothing. What I had accomplished was redecorating my office, not running a business.

Ok, so how do you get from one category to the other? I mean, let's face it-knowledge is not power. Just knowing something doesn't make you powerful. ACTING on knowledge does, however. So we agree that the power comes from the action, the DOing, yes?

Well, my personal favorite way to jump the categorical ladder so to speak is to put your back against the wall. Now I know that sounds extreme, but anyone who knows me personally will agree that what I lack in self motivation can certainly be replaced by errr...."circumstantial motivation." Yes, that's what we'll call it. I have been circumstantially motivating myself to do all kinds of things as it turns out. Hindsight is amazing, isn't it? It's like when your boyfriend breaks up with you, and you think your life is ending....only to meet your future husband a few weeks or months later. Or, when you don't get that second interview, but a better job comes along. 

What I didn't understand even 5 years ago, was that I am at cause for everything in my life. Ok, say it with me: I AM AT CAUSE FOR EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE. That feels good now, doesn't it? Empowering?

Well if you agree that you are at cause for everything in your life, then you must agree that circumstantial motivation and self motivation are the same thing. Luck and coincidence-bad or good- do not exist actually. It is my action or inaction creating things in my life. Whether they are the things I want or not, depend solely on which ladder I'm on. 

I spent a lot of years on the "Getting ready" ladder. Without knowing it, I had been creating things in my life that were not ideal because I was not willing to take the action to change it. The dreaded comfort zone-you know what I'm talking about. Then I started learning about the kind of power I actually had. With focus, goals, and action, I could create exactly what I wanted in my life. This stuff was amazing! So amazing in fact, that when your mind and heart are set on a specific goal, even if you are scared to take action, you might create a circumstance to motivate you. 

Case in point: My heart was so set on working from home and leaving the traditional workforce, that I actually got myself laid off from my job. If you believe that was a coincidence, I can assure you it was not. I knew what I wanted but felt conflicted in my path to getting there. With everyone around me following a traditional career path, how would it look to give up mine? Would my friends judge me for making this "crazy" move? I would have never left my job! I didn't want to be viewed as irresponsible, after all. That is circumstantial motivation at its best, and I absolutely made that happen. Now with my back against the wall, I am doing exactly what I wanted all along, taking action everyday, and loving it. Here is my advice: don't wait until you want something so badly that you create it out of circumstances. That takes time. It took me about 5 years that way. There is absolutely no reason you are not getting what you want RIGHT NOW except that you are too scared to take action.

I wouldn't say I jumped the ladder, but rather I pushed myself off one and onto the other. I already had a vehicle that could bring me financial freedom, I just wasn't taking action. Now I had no choice, having pushed myself off my safe ladder, but to start DOing. I started plugging in to my community. These are people who are getting the results in their lives that I want. When they told me to take action, I didn't go to Walmart to redecorate my office. 

I said "Oh, ok."